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Summit County, CO: Snowboarded, left with imprints of my face 13 April 2010

Posted by magicdufflepud in Uncategorized.
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This is a blog post about snowboarding. It is mainly about how snowboarding makes my butt hurt. It is about how snowboarding makes my face hurt, too. Sometimes. That is to say, I took a lesson today after spending 85 days this year on skis. Yes, 85. I boast, but I can also say that 85 days on skis does not really translate into snowboarding prowess. The rugburns on my elbows prove this.

To understand the process of learning to board, imagine strapping your feet to a dingo, cinching them down and all that so that no matter where the dingo goes, you will most assuredly go as well. At first, this seems like a clever plan since dingos are frisky and lovable, but about two moments after your instructor teaches you to stand up, he lets loose something small, furry and very, very speedy. What follows is “riding.” Or for me it’s Andy’s Illustrated Guide to Snowboarding Falls Vols. I, II, and III. IV will arrive shortly, pending the recovery of my butt, knees, wrists, left pinky, and like I said, face.

But by the end of the day part of the appeal becomes clear, mainly that snowboard boots is comfy. Skiers will tell you that heat-molded liners and custom footbeds and all that make their boots tolerable. Skiers lie. When the rapture comes, those not among the elect will walk to hell in ski boots. And once there, some lesser demon wearing a fuschia onesey will force them to descend stairs for all eternity. Their suffering will know no bounds.

In all honesty, though–and I’m an honest skier–it’s a pleasure to return to knowing nothing at all about a sport, to become a snowboarding tyro if you like. And yes, I say that so you can solve a clue in next Monday’s crossword (Novice: 4 letters). Speaking of which, the next time I find an occasion for “adzes,” you can be sure to see that as well. This instance doesn’t count. At any rate, please excuse my rambling. Point is that after so many days spent on skis, nothing seemed terribly steep anymore and the fear had just about disappeared. Learning to snowboard brings all that back. The “Aacckk! Too fast! Turn?! Stop!? Tumble, tumble, tumble” progression returns. But to be learning again, there’s the fun.

Grins all around.

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